A Very Krogan Christmas
by Lachdannen
Summary: Five years after the end of the Reaper War, Zaeed Massani agrees to get together with as many of the crew from the Normandy as possible for Christmas. Where? Earth, Montana, at the part time of home Major Rhia Shepard and Urdnot Wrex. This is going to be a very Krogan Christmas. Written for the Aria's Afterlife April 2014 Competition
1. Chapter 1

_**Preface: **I haven't decided if this is part of duality yet or not. But it was fun to write :D_

* * *

_December 23, 2191 - 5:02 PM local time_  
_Sol System - Earth_  
_12 miles South of Billings, Montana_

Zaeed Massani. Former Marine. Former lead of the Blue Suns. Bounty Hunter and gun for hire. Part-time big game hunter Survivor of the Skyllian Blitz. He fought toe-to-toe against turians, salarians, batarians, and krogan. He had been part of the team that had faced down the Collectors. He had joined the fight and survived the Reapers' attempt to wipe out all life.

He was afraid of nothing and no one.

Except for one thing There was exactly one thing could make his palms sweat. One foe he could simply not kill. He felt his eye twitch as he thought of it. But he was committed to this. He had given his word, and Zaeed Massani kept his promises.

Snow came down in waves of white that obscured most of the landscape, but he could just make his destination as the skycar started to descend. Dread crept into his throat and clutched at his heart, before he remembered and started swearing in a colorful streak. He wouldn't have time later, he knew and he needed to do it now while he could, get it out of his system. The driver he had hired looked into the rear view mirror at him, confusion evident, but Zaeed forced himself to keep up his tirade. The man didn't know what he was about to endure.

The driver popped the door of the car as it stopped, and turned to look back at him. "Merry Christmas, sir. Do you need help with anything?'"

"No," he growled as he stood and stepped out to meet his fate.

"UNCLE ZAEED!" A chorus of voices shouted before a all the individuals involved rushed towards him.

"Oh damn and bloody hell ..." he muttered, and knelt as he braced himself for the charge.

Screams and laughter pelted him as a pack of charging krogan, led by a red-haired human girl, closed the distance in a stampede and rolled over him as inexorably as the tide. The girl, only about seven, bounded at him and wrapped her arms around his neck so tightly he would have sworn it was a strangle hold.

The fluffy coat the little girl had on pressed into his face, blinding him as the first of the krogan runts slammed into his knee. Zaeed gritted his teeth as pain shot up and down his leg in searing bolts of agony. Three more similar impacts battered his lower body as he stood, lifting WIllow out of the reach of her adopted siblings.

"Love, you need to ease up a bit," Zaeed rasped as he started towards the house as Willow maintained her death grip around his neck. "Uncle Massani needs to breathe."

"You're here, you're here! Momma wasn't sure you were coming! She said you were out on another crazy mission going after pirates! Did you find the pirates? What did you do when you found them? Did you get any new scars?" Willow babbled at him as she loosened her grip, pulling back so she could see his face, running one hand down the scar along his eye. It made his cheek twitch, but he plastered a smile on his face all the same.

"I think your Mother would kill me if I told you all that," Zaeed grumbled as he finally gained the porch against the tide of children. "And how the bloo- ... how do you survive around here with these hooligans?"

"Oh, they're pushovers," Willow said in such a matter-of-fact tone that Zaeed just had to stop and stare at her. Willow met his eyes. "What?"

"You're definitely your mother's daughter," Zaeed mumbled gruffly and lowered her to the porch.

"I'll take that as a compliment," Rhia Shepard said as she leaned against the doorway of the house, the beginnings of a smile on her face. "Now get in here, it's cold out there, and I haven't seen you in months." She held up one finger. "And, we have coffee ready."

Zaeed sighed and felt himself relax at the mention of perhaps the only thing that would get him through this weekend.

"Major, how did I let a woman like you slip through my fingers?"

Rhia's smile bloomed into a grin. "You wish, Massani."

He brushed past her, and stepped inside, dusting off the snow that had accumulated on him between the weather and the swarm of children, and looked around.

The house wasn't a small affair, but having as many children here as they did, Zaeed knew the space was more than a luxury, it was a requirement. The door thudded closed behind him as he shrugged out of his jacket.

"Who else answered the summons to this … get-together?" Zaeed asked as he turned and crossed his arms.

Rhia start ticking off fingers as she walked past him, forcing him to follow her to continue listening. "Almost easier to say who isn't. Tali is still on Rannoch, but said she would call on Christmas Day. Garrus had to beg off due to Solana's pregnancy. Jacob and Brynn are also no-shows, off to see her side of the family. Aside from that though, I think everyone is coming."

"You've got to be kidding me. This place is going to be packed," Zaeed grumbled, trying to just imagine where they would all sit, let alone sleep for a full weekend. No matter how he cut it, he came up short.

Rhia laughed and spun on a heel to walk backwards into the kitchen, her eyes twinkling. "Welcome to Clan Urdnot, Zaeed. We'ill make you feel at home one way or another."

A voice bellowed from the far end of the house. "Zaeed? Is that your surly voice I hear? I thought you told me that you were on the Rim and wouldn't be here."

"Hey, not my fault that those dumb pirate f—" Zaeed stopped as he caught Rhia's raised eyebrow. "Ah … they decided to oblige us and make things easy."

Heavy footsteps marked Wrex's approach through the house as Rhia released her warning stare to turn and shout back, "and I thought you were out getting the rest of the groceries we needed."

Wrex cleared the door into the kitchen, his arm laden with bags and parcels. He started to set them on counter as he spoke, "naw, I decided to go out hunt for food. Pickings were easy, I found this place where all the food was just laid out for anyone to grab."

Rhia rolled her eyes as she snagged a package to put away, leaving Zaeed to just shake his head as he looked between them. On the outside, you would think they were the most unlikely pair to have gotten together.

On the inside, Zaeed suspected Major Shepard was actually a krogan.

There was a shout from the next room followed a loud crash that elicited a sigh from Rhia, even as a chorus of children's laughter filtered in. "Wrex ... ."

"Oh, they're just butting heads again probably. They're fine," Wrex said as he put the last bag down. "And before you say it, your daughter has been the one who started it the last two times."

A second crash rebounded, this time from the hall almost directly behind him, and Zaeed turned to look as one of the krogan children stood from where he had landed in the hall, laughing as he shook his head, then charged back into the next room with a miniature roar.

Zaeed stepped back to see the results of the little hellions charge and froze as he recognized the other combatant in the childrens "game."

"I. AM. KROGAN!" Willow screamed as she hurtled forward, her biotics sparking azure halos around her. At the last possible moment before they collided, the human girl surged forward, propelled like a miniature red-haired rocket that smashed into her adopted sibling. The pair bounced along, laughing hysterically as they came to a stop only a few feet away.

Willow flopped onto her back, laughing and panting as she looked up at him. "Uncle Zaeed! Do you wanna play? Though you are big. Oh! You should play with Wrex! That would be soooo cool!"

Zaeed felt his heart rate spike as he glanced sideways at the battlemaster. "Uh, maybe ... later."

"Bah, come on, Zaeed. Let's play. Maybe I'll even take it easy on you," Wrex said, his lips curling into a smirk, until Rhia touched the side of his face and bumped her forehead gently against his headplate. They stood like that for a long moment with their eyes closed, long enough that Zaeed started to wonder if he should give them some privacy , before Rhia pulled away slowly.

"No one is headbutting anyone else right now," Rhia said, smiling as she looked at Wrex. Without looking away from her paramour she pointed at where her daughter was sprawled. "That means you too, young lady. One of these days, they are going to be bigger than you, and you'll be the one who ends up flattened."

"But, mom! I didn't even start it this time! Krel and Mordin did!" Willow complained, her face taking on an aggrieved expression, made completely comical by the fact she was still lying on her back and looking at her mother upside-down.

"And I have told you I don't want you doing that in the first place. Now get up, and go hang your coat," Rhia said.

Willow's eyes widened a bit. "How did you—"

"I'm your mother. I know all kinds of things," Rhia stated turned to look at her. "Coat, now. And if there is anyone still outside, tell them to come in."

Willow scrambled up and bounded into the living room to do as she had been commanded.

Zaeed just shook his head and looked at Rhia. "I was promised coffee?"

"Mugs are there, help yourself," she said as she pointed to the cabinet. "Cream or sugar?"

"Don't suppose I'm allowed something stronger right now?" Zaeed asked with fake hopefulness.

Rhia wrinkled her nose. "Later. I think Cortez was planning on bartending when he got here. Because that ended well on the Citadel."

Zaeed snorted out a laugh as he recalled the madness of that night, and the previous few days leading up to it. A good half of it all was just a blur of colors and shouting for the most part. Sign of an evening well spent in his book. "Eh, I can wait for that, I suppose. And I'll be fine with black."

"Suit yourself," Rhia said with a shrug as she continued to tuck food and other things into various cabinets.

Zaeed poured himself a cup of coffee as he watched her, trying to figure out how she decided what went where. He finally couldn't hold it in anymore. "Damn woman, do you have some kind of system, or is this just a 'put it where it fits' kind of thing?"

Both Wrex and Rhia froze in mid motion and looked at each other, smiles slowly blossoming into life on their faces. Wrex winked at Rhia, whose face started to go scarlet in embarrassment as she burst out laughing.

Zaeed groaned and covered his eyes with one hand. "An image I'll never be able to erase now, thanks."

Rhia wheezed as she put her arms on the counter. "Oh, Zaeed. I've got to find a way to get you around here more often.

Zaeed shook his head, and finally started to laugh as well as he took a sip of coffee. "We'll just have to see."

* * *

_**Author Note: **This started as Zaeed baby sits. Then Zaeed at Christmas Baby sitting. Then Mizdirected said "Hey, ship Rhia and Wrex". Me: "Why the hell not?!" So on top of thanking her for that (or blaming her? :D ) a shoutout also needs to go out to Palaven Blues for putting up with my horrendous grammar and helping kick this into shape. I have the checklist. I promise to use it. :D_


	2. Chapter 2

_December 23, 2191 - 7:35 PM local time  
Sol System - Earth  
12 miles South of Billings, Montana_

Zaeed looked up as lights flickered through the window. Rhia looked away from the vidscreen and leaned back for a better view of the skycar outside.

"That'll be either Alenko or Cortez," she said as she stretched, and started to stand. "I'll go see if they need help hauling anything in. Cortez said something about making sure the bar was stocked correctly."

Zaeed waved her back down. "Have a seat, I'll do it."

Rhia's eyebrows shot up. "Are you sure? They may not need any extra hands."

"It's fine. Just start another pot of coffee," Zaeed said as he pushed himself to his feet, his knees complaining in little angry throbs as he straightened them. "I'm gonna need another one or three at his rate."

"Have it your way," she said and changed course for the kitchen. Zaeed squared his shoulders, and started for the door, grabbing his coat as he walked by it. Montana seemed intent to rival Noveria this year, and was making a hell of a go at it, as far as he was concerned.

He looked around, suddenly wondering where the horde of children had vanished too. Rhia had chased the hellions upstairs … had they gone to bed? Either way it was blissfully quiet as he opened the door and strode out towards the still humming skycar. He was halfway across the yard when the driver killed the lights and the doors opened. Zaeed blinked in surprise

"God damn Alenko, where is your damn coat? And brought a friend I see."

Kaidan grinned as he stood and crossed the couple of meters to Zaeed, apparently utterly unphased by the cold. He caught Zaeed's offered hand, giving it a quick shake. "When the Shadow Broker says 'pick me up at the spaceport', you go and pick her up at the spaceport. As for the coat, I'm from Canada. This is nothing."

"Speak for yourself. This is like being back on Alchera," said Liara as she stepped out of the car a moment later, tucked inside a coat with a fur lining of some kind around the hood. Glyph buzzed out right behind her, hovering over her shoulder. "Zaeed, it's good to see you, though can we go inside? It's freezing out here." She punctuated her words with a shiver as she wrapped her arms around her middle.

"Good to see you too, Liara. Need help with anything?" Zaeed asked. Liara gave a terse shake of her head.

Kaidan just shrugged. "Only things to bring in right now are a pair of bags. I was planning on leaving the presents safely stowed in the car till tomorrow night. Less chance of random krogan attack that way."

Zaeed snorted. "Or Willow attacks. She's the ringleader." He glanced at Liara as she shivered again. "Get inside T'Soni. I'll get you damn luggage."

"T-thank you, Zaeed," Liara said through chattering teeth before she started towards the door.

Zaeed stared after the asari. "She alright?"

"I don't think she's feeling well. She slept half the way here," Kaidan said as he walked around the other side of the car. "When did you get here? Last I heard you were on a job and weren't sure you would make it."

"Couple of hours ago. Pirate bastards don't run fast enough, apparently. Cleaned that up with days to spare and took my time heading here," Zaeed said with a shrug. "I wasn't exactly in a hurry to get trampled to death."

Kaidan laughed and passed him a bag before closing the car. "They're a handful, that's for sure. I'm pretty sure these get-togethers double as survival training."

Zaeed started back towards the house, bag in hand, Kaidan just behind him. "You're tellin' me." About halfway down the path, he heard it:

**Crack.**

He froze, years of paranoia and survival instincts putting him into high alert as his eyes scanned the yard. The children had made snowmen and snow forts flanking the path to the door, presumably for their mock wars. The light from the house lit the yard in a fae light, casting strangely shaped shadows over the disturbed snow.

"What is it?" Kaidan asked, looking around.

Zaeed didn't answer, his eyes scanning left, then right, then left again. Something felt off. His body screamed warnings at him, but he couldn't figure out the source.

"Now!" screamed Willow, bursting from her hiding place inside one of the two snow forts, hurling a snowball as she did. The world slows for a moment as the missile missed his nose by inches, adrenaline coursing through him as he jerked away from the projectile. He ducked, trying to get out of the cross-fire of frozen water, only to catch another snowball right in the teeth.

The cold from the snowball slammed into his face, pulsing up the scar and into his eye in a torrent of frozen agony. He spun, disoriented by the shock and felt his boot slip on ice, his purchase and balance lost in the frantic attempt to evade.

As both of his boots left the ground entirely, and left him suspended in midair, he flashed back to that old cartoon with the Coyote. If he just didn't look down, he would be fine, right? His heart sank as gravity began to re-assert it's authority and he flailed, his arms pinwheeling as if he could fly.

_This is it. This is going to be the one you don't get out alive. _

The walkway greeted his arrival with stars exploding through his head j before blissful darkness carried him away. Far too soon, reality intruded, bringing the sound of raucous laughter with it. His eyes blinked open to find a pair of very blue eyes and red hair just inches from his face. "Major?" He asked dazedly.

Willow's eyebrows came together in a way that made her look even more like her mother. "Uncle Zaeed? Are you okay? Do you need me to get mom? Or maybe Liara? I mean, that looked really cool, but I don't think you're supposed to land on your head like that. " She paused for a beat, seeming to consider. "Yeah, pretty sure you shouldn't. You don't have the head plates for it."

Zaeed just lay there, staring up at her as he listened to Kaidan howl in laughter. "Oh, stuff it, Alenko."

Kaidan staggered over to Zaeed and offered a hand a hand up. "Seeing that was worth the drive here, all by itself. I just wish I had caught it on vid."

Zaeed groaned as Kaidan pulled him up, his head pulsing to the beat of a primitive wardrum.

_Yep. This is the one I don't make it out of._

Zaeed pressed the bag of ice to the back of his head and growled. "Major, stop hovering. It's just a fu- … uh, friggin bump."

Rhia leaned down so she could look him in the eyes, her brow crinkled. Willow definitely got the look from her mother. "According to Kaidan, you just about did a backflip into the walkway."

He swatted her hand away in annoyance. "I've had worse from rowdy nights after a mission."

Rhia sighed and drew back. "Have it your way. Just take it easy, alright?"

"Isn't that the whole idea with vacation?" Kaidan asked as he came into the living room and set a beer down in front of Zaeed.

Rhia smiled ruefully. "Then I've been doing it wrong. My vacations tend to end with me being more tired than when I started." She looked around. "Where's Liara?"

Kaidan made a face as he jabbed his thumb towards the other room. "Working. She had something she wanted to give to Wrex that just couldn't wait."

Zaeed snagged the beer from the table and took a swig before speaking. "All work and no play makes Liara a dull girl."

"Oh, I think we can fix that in a while." Rhia laughed, then looked around as she raised her voice. "Alright, everyone who lives here and under the age of ten, it's time for bed. "

A chorus of scattered complaints filtered around the room in responseand Rhia just crossed her arms. "I'm not kidding. Everyone, upstairs."

Something tugged at Zaeed's pant leg, drawing his gaze down to the little figure there. One of the krogan children looked up at him, one little hand gripping the material of his pants. "Uncle Zaeed, will you tell us a story for bedtime?"

His heart leapt into his throat, stuck, and cut off his air supply for a moment. "I...um…."

"Mordin, Uncle Zaeed is a bit tired. I'll tell you a story instead," Rhia said as she reached down and picked up the krogan child. "Come on, everyone up stairs."

_I will not be beaten by fear. No me. Not Zaeed Fucking Massani. _

He pushed himself up, for a moment feeling the world weigh down on him like Atlas holding up the sky. "I'll do it. "

The complaints disappeared and turned into ecstatic cheers. Rhia hesitated as she looked around at the other children, still holding holding Mordin in front of her middle with both arms.. "Are you sure? You don't have to, you're our guest here."

"Just get them ready, and I'll be up in a minute," Zaeed mumbled as he hobbled back towards the kitchen. He paused, eyeing the bottle in his hand before downing it in a long pull. He set it down with a thump.

Thirty years worth of missions to his name, against a wide variety hostiles that had tried to kill him in an outstanding variety ways. He survived them all. A story was easy. A story was a cake walk.

He growled and turned, marching out of the room. He could damn well _handle_ a fucking story.

The children were just starting to file upstairs when he paced out of the kitchen, his back still rigid like he was marching to a firing squad. Liara and Wrex had come in, with the former kneeling to give one of the krogan children a hug before Rhia shooed him toward the stairs. Willow was the last to go, looking a bit sullen as she wrapped her arms around Kaidan's middle in a hug, before starting for the stairs.

"I hope you have a plan. It's early for them, so they won't be happy with just a little story, even coming from you," said Wrex as he started for the stairs behind Willow.

"I'll manage."

"Hope so. They get vicious when they aren't happy. You might wake up to someone biting you. Maybe even this one," Wrex said, bumping the human girl in front of him.

"I don't bite!" Willow exclaimed indignantly, stopping on the stairs and spinning to face Wrex, outrage on her face. "I kick!"

"Heh. You need to work on that if you want me to notice then." Wrex rumbled and waved at her with both hands. "Come on."

Zaeed started to follow Wrex up the stairs and down the hall, the small herd of children thumping towards their beds. The floorboards behind him creaked, and he looked back to find Rhia just starting up the stairs.

"Thanks for doing this. You really didn't have to, and I'm surprised Mordin asked you like that. He's normally quiet."

"So unlike his namesake then."

Rhia gave a half-hearted smiled. "A bit."

It didn't take them long to get the krogan children ready in for story time. As Wrex lifted each of the children up and settled them into one of the round beds and tucking them in, Rhia trailed after him, planting a kiss on their head plates or forehead, as species allowed. Willow's room was across the hall, so as Zaeed settled himself into the chair, she slipped up next to Mordin, leaning against her adopted brother.

Zaeed thumped his hand thoughtfully on the arm of the chair as all their eyes settled on him. Rhia and Wrex backed out of the room, their goodnights completed.

Zaeed swallowed as he started to speak, his mouth feeling dry, "Alright. This….this is the story of how the, uh...how the hero of the kingdom …conquered the evil … vorcha. And saved the prince and princess from being … eaten."

* * *

_**Author Note: **Still here? yay! Continued thanks/praise to Mizdirected for continuing to help smooth the rather sharp and pointy edges of this into something readable. :) I would be in so much trouble without your help. _


	3. Chapter 3

_December 23, 2191 - 8:40 PM local time  
Sol System - Earth  
12 miles South of Billings, Montana_

"So, there I was. Down to my last thermal clip. Jessie was hurting, needing to cool down. A half dozen vorcha clawed at the door," Zaeed said, leaning closer. "The pac— … uh, I mean the prince and princess were hiding under the desk. The rest of my team was down, so just it was me against a horde of angry teeth and claws."

Five little pairs of eyes fixated on him as he looked around the room, entranced by the story. It was the sixth pair, though, that really got his attention. Rhia's gaze pinned him with an intensity that could have melted Silaris armor plating.

_I may have made a mistake._

"And uh … " Zaeed mind whirled as he tried to find a way around the hole he had dug for himself. The real mission had ended with him dragging himself half-dead, but victorious from the room. The hostages hadn't made it, but the terrorists were all dead, so the job was done. Something in Rhia's eyes warned him how badly things would go if he used that ending.

A light flickered through the window as another skycar swung overhead, swooping in a graceful arch to land in the drive.

_Cortez, you magnificent bastard, I owe you a drink._

"And that was when Cortez finally arrived. He pulled the shuttle up to the window, and we loaded the prince and princess inside before the vorcha could get through the door." Zaeed swooped his hand up, mimicking the shuttle taking off." And we blasted off into space, safe and sound."

He glanced over at the Rhia for approval. Her lips quirked into a small smile, but she didn't comment on his revision. Zaeed turned his attention back to the children. "Alright, time to sleep."

The krogan children grumbled a bit, but curled up in their nestlike beds. Willow hopped down and hurried over to Zaeed, wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug before he could move from his chair. "Good night, Uncle Zaeed."

His voice stuck for a moment. "Night, kiddo. Sleep well."

After she let go and headed towards her room, Zaeed started to make his way downstairs, passing Wrex in the hall.

The Krogan warlord chuckled. "She makes me change all my best stories too."

"Helped that the inspiration pulled up outside." Zaeed said as they reached the bottom. "And speak of the devil."

Cortez set his box down, the the glass contents within clinking, and waved. "Zaeed Massani, good to see you."

"Likewise, Lieutenant," Zaeed said as he eyed the crate expectantly.

"Lieutenant Commander now, actually," Cortez said, grinning. "Still not sure how that happened, to be honest."

"Someone made a clerical error, Esteban," Vega said as he came into view. "Massani. Good to see you. How'd that thing near Corellis go?"

"How do you think? I was the only one who made it out alive," Zaeed scoffed. He tried to keep the smile from his face. He had actually gone on that one solo. Good times that.

"Somehow, that doesn't surprise me," Cortez said. The pilot reached over, offering his hand. "Wrex, I hope you don't mind us just barging in."

"Nah, you're welcome here anytime as far as I'm concerned." Wrex rumbled. "Especially when you come as well stocked as I think you have. Is that Ryncol I'm smelling?"

Vega just shook his head. "Damn, you can smell the stuff?"

Rhia came down the stairs and leaned against the wall as she crossed her arms.. "You should hear what he's like when I cook. He could be outside and half way across the property when I start, and within five minutes I have a krogan poking his head into the kitchen to find out what's for dinner."

"What? I get hungry," Wrex said with a shrug the just screamed 'unapologetic'. .

Cortez looked around the room. "I take it the kids are all in bed now, since you know, we haven't been mobbed by ankle high krogan?"

"They are more like thigh high, but yeah, we just had story time with Zaeed. I won't be surprised if Willow comes down in a while though." Rhia said, looking back up the stairs. "She hasn't been sleeping well and keeps getting up to come find us."

Zaeed glanced sideways at the sound of a door closing, and Kaidan came around the corner into view.

"Liara is down and out for the count, I think. Hopefully she'll feel better in the morning," Kaidan said and hooked a thumb back down the hall, "also, why was there a pyjack in the closet?"

Rhia laughed. "That would be George. He kind of adopted us, and we couldn't leave him out in the cold. He'll probably go find Mordin in a while and curl up with him."

Wrex grumbled. "You would think with as many mouths to feed around here, we wouldn't be adding to them."

"Be nice. He's harmless, and Mordin likes him," Rhia said as she smacked Wrex's shoulder.

"It's a damn rodent." Wrex grumbled, but he finally shrugged. "Eh, whatever. I suppose I won't eat him today."

Zaeed snorted as he tried to keep from laughing at that thought. Cortez and Vega both chuckled before Steve reached into the box and tossed a bottle to Wrex. "Alright, lets get the adult section of this party started.

* * *

_December 24, 2191 - 6:20 AM local time_

Zaeed groaned and tried to lift his throbbing head, only to open his eyes to itchy, furry, darkness. "What the hell … gerroff me." He flailed at whatever lay across his face. The furry mass refused to budge at first, then finally shifted onto the pillow just inches from him. Zaeed blinked, trying to clear his eyes but everything remained blurry, and he itched. He turned his head and squinted at the shape next to him

An orange and white tabby—with all the dignity of a king—licked one paw as it looked back at him.

"Oh fucking hell," Zaeed said and snarled as he pushed himself up. "You must be shitting me."

A series of little gasps echoed from his left, off the side of the bed, and Zaeed froze in place for a moment before slowly turning his head.

Willow, and two of the krogan children were peering at him from the edge, so just the tops of their heads could be seen. Willow sat up a little higher, her hands covering her mouth, her eyes wide.

"Uh … don't tell your mother I said that, mkay?" Zaeed said, meeting their eyes one at at time. All three children nodded. He turned back to the furry ball of suffocating death, "As for you …" He reached out, snagged the cat and pushed it at Willow. "Get him out of here."

Willow took the tabby, looking between Zaeed and animal. "You don't like him?"

"I'm allergic." Zaeed grumbled as he rubbed at his eyes, the itching starting to reach intolerable levels already. "When did you get a cat?"

"A while ago. His name is Ember. He's really cool and normally stays with me all night but he apparently wanted to come find you. Oh!" Willow paused as her brow wrinkled in thought. "Mom said that you need to go find her as soon as you get up. She needs to talk to you about a favor." The girl's smile flashed at him before she spun towards the door. "I'll go tell her you're awake!"

Zaeed groaned, flopping back into the pillow for a moment and covered his eyes with his arm.

A rustling noise next to the bed made him freeze, before he cautiously lifted his arm enough to be able to see.

WIllow was gone, but the two krogan children remained.

Watching him.

_Well, that's a might bit creepy._

He slowly sat up, not taking his eyes off the miniature krogan. They just stared back at him, almost expectantly. Finally he couldn't take it anymore.

"Alright, out. I need to get dressed. Go pester your sister or something," he said as he waved a hand at them.

The pair of krogan children vanished off the side of the bed. He just could hear the patter of their feet as they ran, chattering to each other.

"Hangover and a cat. What else can go wrong?" he muttered to himself as he pushed the covers back.

* * *

Rhia grabbed her coat off the hook. "I said, I need you to watch the kids. Just until we get back."

_I should know better than to give the goddamn universe a straight line like that._

"Major, I'm not— " Zaeed started to say, till the warning glance from Rhia cut him off.

"Look, Wrex and Kaidan had to go first thing this morning to bail out Grunt and the rest of Aralakh Company from whatever madness they started last night. And now Liara is sick, and it's causing her biotics to spike everywhere. I need Cortez and Vega to help me get her to the doctor. Which leaves you here." Rhia tugged the jacket on, zipping it closed and turned to face him. "You'll be fine. Just keep an eye on them, and keep them out of trouble. We should be back in a few hours."

She nodded back in the direction of the kitchen. "They had breakfast, but they'll probably want lunch before we get back. I assume you can handle making grilled cheese."

His heart sank to somewhere down near his toes. Arguing any further was pointless and he knew it. The Major was a force of nature.

Her expression softened as she met his eyes. "Don't worry, you can handle this. And we'll be back before you know it."

She put her hand on the door knob and paused. "Zaeed?"

"Yes, Major?"

"I'm trusting this won't end up like one of your stories. Everything—including the house—gets through the next few hours alive." She looked over her shoulder at him, her face expressionless. "Or you _don't_."

Zaeed face twitched as he met eyes. She nodded once and stepped into the cold morning, closing the door firmly behind her.

He turned and put his back to the door. He could make a break for it, run and not look back. Wouldn't be the first time he'd bailed on an impossible situation. Something brushed his leg, and he jerked as he looked down.

It was the damn cat. Ember brushed up against his leg again, pressing against him and purring.

"Goddamn it."

Zaeed pushed the cat away with his foot, before he started into the next room. He handled story time. He survived the ambush in the yard. He could handle watching five children and two pets for a few hours. Even if one of them was a cat.

Alone.

A spike of panic jolted through him to his bones as he looked down the hall towards the kitchen. The hall seemed to grow longer and taller, stretching out as if to remind him that he was just one man.

"God _damn_ it," he growled again and stomped down the hall.

* * *

_**Four hours later**_

Zaeed felt the vein in his forehead pulse as he looked down at the krogan child sitting on the high chair next to the counter. "What do you mean, you don't want grilled cheese."

"I don't want grilled cheese. I want ... fruit loops!"

Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump. The pounding in his head took on a life of it's own.

"Alright, fine. Fruit loops. Where are they?"

The kid pointed up past Zaeed's head to a cabinet. He turned and yanked it open, and reached for the box.

A orange paw slapped out at him from behind the cereal, tearing across the back of his hand in a trio of scarlet firebrands.

Curses exploded from his mouth, the torrent of profanity flowing from him like the floodgates of his self-control had been sabotaged. He shook his hand as he peered into the darkness of the cabinet. Snarling curses in a half dozen languages and inventing a few choice, colorful insults, he eyed his furry nemesis.

Ember's glowing green eyes stared back at him, calm and unconcerned by the outburst. The cat licked his paw with the same methodical care a victorious knight would use to clean their bloody sword.

The scratches on Zaeed's hand pulsed angrily, and he swiped a paper towel from the counter and wound it around the injury. He eyed the cat for a moment, snatching the box from the shelf before Ember could strike again.

Just for spite, he slammed the cabinet shut, then set the box of cereal down on the counter in front of Mordin.

He looked at each of the other children in turn. "Alright ... fruit loops. Who's next?"

Every one of them, except for Mordin, raised their hands. Zaeed sighed, squeezed the improvised bandage and turned to the closest. "What will it be?"


	4. Chapter 4

_December 24, 2191 - 9:51 PM local time  
Sol System - Earth  
12 miles South of Billings, Montana_

Zaeed shuddered as he settled back onto the couch. The day had been a constant stream of repairs and clean up, as he tracked the children, the cat, and the god damn pyjack through the house. It could have been worse, he mused, but not by much. At least nothing had burned down.

_Yet._

He sighed as he flicked on the vid-screen then closed his eyes, listening to the local news This was Montana at Christmas, what could possibly be going on around here?

"—when a krogan engaged in a wrestling match against said buffalo, on the corner of Green and Thimble."

Zaeed's eyes snapped back open and he sat up, looking slack-jawed at the screen. "You have _got_to be shitting me."

"Apparently the krogan in question, one Urdnot Grunt, became intoxicated as part of his Christmas celebrations. Upon encountering the buffalo running through town, he pursued it, and managed to corner it in front of Erin's Kitchenwares. However, insteading of waiting for animal control, Urdnot Grunt attempted to contain the animal himself with disastrous results."

The scene changed from the the mousey little reporter, to a bystander's recording. Zaeed could only watch, fascinated, as the chaos unfolded.

Grunt slammed one meaty fist into his chest, as he bellowed in challenge, "Come beast! You think you can test your might against me? I am Urdnot! I am pure krogan!" He stamped one massive foot hard enough that Zaeed thought heard concrete crack.

The buffalo was clearly not impressed, stamping one of its massive hooves in answer, and lowered it's head, snorting. The beast was huge, a massive example of it's kind, and looked like it weighed at least as much as Grunt did. It's massive furry head was crowned with a wickedly sharp pair of dark horns.

"Come on, what are you waiting for you hairy little son of a var—"

The inebriated krogan didn't get a chance to finish as the buffalo charged, hitting him in the center of his chest. Grunt staggered backward, arms flailing and crashed into, and then through, the glass window of the shop.

The buffalo, apparently not done with his krogan foe, bounded through the glass in pursuit and out of sight. The sounds of breaking glass and bellows of pain played over the recording. For a moment, the camera seemed to hesitate, like whomever was holding it was afraid to venture any closer to the battling titans. The metallic hollow sound of pans falling added to the din, and the cameraman inched closer till the interior could be made out in the glow of the security lights.

Grunt scrambled back to his feet, laughing hysterically with glee. "Garrus! Garrus wherever you are, you have _got_to add to this the list! Kitchen stores are _great_places to fight in!" He narrowed his eyes as he turned in the room. "Oh, now we are using weapons?" He reached over and grabbed a pair of frying pans, banging them together.

The buffalo snorted off screen for a moment, before the view adjusted, zooming out. The buffalo had indeed armored up for his gladiatorial match, and was now, somehow, wearing a huge saucepan as a helmet.

Zaeed gawked at the sight. "If I hadn't seen this, I wouldn't believe it," he muttered.

Grunt roared and charged, while at the same time, the buffalo thundered forward to meet him. They came together with a crash, and once again Grunt went down. One of his frying pan's shot out of his grip spinning straight at the camera. The view spun drunkenly for a moment, stopping in an upside down view of the street. Someone—Presumably the camera's operator—cursed loudly for several seconds before the scene switched back to the reporter.

"Animal control and local authorities arrived on scene and managed to separate them. Urdnot Grunt was taken to Saint Michael's Hospital and is expected to be released tomorrow. The buffalo, who several people have now affectionately nicknamed Hector, was moved under sedation to a local vet and is also being treated for the injuries that he sustained. It's expected Hector will be returned to Yellowstone and released back into the wild."

Zaeed looked over at George the pyjack, who had slunk into the room while he had been watching his former teammate run rampant through the streets of Billings. "Guess that explains where Wrex has been." The little animal cocked it's head as it looked at him.

Zaeed stared back at it. "And now I'm talking to pests," he muttered. He closed his eyes, the exhaustion creeping over him. Sleep slipped over him like a warm blanket, soothing the aches and pains of a day chasing children.

_Chasing damn kids. That's a mission you never would have ever expected to take part in._

Willow's scream ripped him out of sleep. He bolted to his feet, trying to orient himself. The living room hadn't changed as far as he could tell, the lights still on and illuminating the spacious room. The vidscreen still on, running a replay of the earlier day's news.. The pyjack was gone, but fuck the pyjack. Nothing seemed to broken. Nothing was on fire. Had he imagined the scream?

Willow screamed again, a raw sound of absolute terror, and Zaeed hurled himself at the stairs, taking them two at a time. He tripped at the top of the stairs and recovered, reaching the door to Willow's room in less than forty seconds. He slammed the door open, the oaken door banging as he came in.

Willow thrashed in her covers, shaking her head back and forth violently. Ember retreated to the foot of the bed and hissed at him, but Zaeed ignored the feline menace. He crouched at the side of the bed. "Willow? Wake up, kid." His hand shook as he reached out and touched her shoulder. "It's just a bad dream, kiddo." She jerked side to side, strands of her ginger locks plastered to her face. He cleared his throat and brushed them away, smoothing her tousled hair. "Come on, Willow, wake up."

The child's eyes snapped open, wide with panic. Whatever dream had been tormenting her had been a bad one. It took several long seconds for before recognition set in. 'U-uncle Zaeed."

Zaeed leaned back, relief trickling through him as he did. "You alright?"

Willow's eyes brimmed with tears, and she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. She started to sob, babbling as she did. "Don't let them get me, please don't let them get me. It was so dark, and then that sound and … and …"

"It's alright. It was just a dream. Just a really bad dream. It wasn't real," he said, patting her back. She just sobbed all the harder, her grip tightening when he tried to pull away.. He hesitated, trying to find a way to extricate himself before she throttled him, but the Willow's grip was solid. He finally just stood, picking her up. He snagged one of the blankets from her bed and tucked it around her, before making his way back downstairs.

An orange streak shot past him and down the stairs, before bounding into pursuit of George the Pyjack. Zaeed growled softly as he heard something fall, but could only let the two animals run rampant. He had his hands full. He carried Willow to the couch, settling down as carefully as he could, and draped the blanket around the girl in his lap.

She sniffled, the sobbing finally worn out of her, and she wiped at her face with one hand. "C-can I stay down here with you? I don't wanna go back to bed."

Zaeed patted her shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting way. "Yeah, that's fine. What were you dreaming about?"

Willow shivered violently and squeezed her eyes shut. "Huge monsters. Black, and they had giant red eyes. Lots of legs like a bug. They were everywhere. Everything was on fire, and when they roared; I felt it." Her voice dropped to a whisper, "I was so scared."

Zaeed went stiff for a moment. Willow should only know about them from stories. She hadn't been old enough to remember what a Reaper looked or sounded like. And yet, for being seven, she described a Reaper rather accurately. "It's alright Willow. You mother got rid of those monsters years ago."

Willow looked up, eyes going wide. The fear coming off the child was almost palpable. "They're real?"

Zaeed shook his head. "Not anymore. Your mother killed them all."

"Oh ... okay. Are you sure?" She shivered again as she met his eyes.

"Very." Zaeed looked up at the vidscreen and reached for the remote, turning the sound down. "You just lay down, get some sleep. I'll be right here."

Willow nodded solemnly and shifted off his lap to curl up next to him, using his thigh as a pillow. Zaeed looked down, watching her eyelids slowly slide shut as she tumbled back to sleep.

He didn't move for a long moment, only reaching over to tug the blanket up a little higher over her shoulder. "Merry Christmas, kiddo." He looked down suddenly remembering a children's movie had seen when he was younger and scowled. "I'm not the Grinch." And yet, the similarities to today seemed more appropriate than he wanted to admit.

His gaze flicked to the vid-screen, but his eyes got heavy just looking at it. He leaned his head back, not evening trying to resist the inevitable. He listened to Willow's quiet breathing, the rhythm lulling him into slumber.

He woke to hushed voices as he drifted, half-asleep, half-awake.

"Oh my god. Wrex, you have to have see this," Rhia said from somewhere to his left, her voice low and hushed.

Zaeed dazedly opened one eye and tilting so he could see her in the corner of his vision.

Rhia had both of her hands over her mouth as she tried to hide her smile. He tried to lift his left hand to wave, but a weight kept him from raising it. His brain sluggishly tried to figure out why that didn't make sense. He frowned and looked down to his right, where will Willow was still asleep.

_If she is there …._

He looked to the left, and found a kogan. As he looked around the living room, he found that the entire Urnot household had proceeded to occupy the couch and everything around him.

Including the cat, who sat staring at him from the coffee table, tail twitching to and fro.

Wrex shouldered his way into the room, took one look, and started laughing, a deep rumbling chuckle. Rhia leaned against him, and Wrex put one arm around her as they shook with laughter, burying the side of his face into her neck.

"Wrex, I think we know who to call to baby sit from now on," Rhia said as she reached up, tracing her fingers over one of Wrex's scars without even looking. She met Zaeed's eyes. "Would you like us to shoo them back upstairs?"

Zaeed looked around at each of the children, his eyes looking down at Willow last. A little spark of warmth bloomed, and he shook his head. "Naw. They're fine."

Rhia and Wrex just watched them for a moment, before she extricated herself from the battlemaster's embrace and slipped silently to the far side of the couch. She knelt, and kissed the top of each of her children's heads before leaning up and kissing Zaeed on the cheek. She smiled tiredly. "Merry Christmas, Massani. We'll see you in the morning."

"Good night, Major, Wrex," he responded, and closed his eyes. He heard a door close as the couple vanished to their own room.

_Merry Christmas, and to all, a goddamn good night. _

* * *

_**Author's Note:** Thank you to everyone who's helped me with this: TenyumeKasumi, Lady Amiee Krios, Palaven Blues, theWerdna, and every one else who's helped to smooth out this story and who I've bounced ideas off at some point or another. ____You all are awesome. _

_ A s__pecial thanks need to go to Mizdirected for the prompt, because without that I don't know I would have come up with the idea on my own. No, I haven't made this canon for Duality yet, but damn it you are really making me want to change some plans to make it so :P _

_I'm happy to have made people smile (and occasionally spit wheaties in places), and thank you for reading! :D_


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